I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
