I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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