rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
