u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
