im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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