Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
