May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
