By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
