I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
