I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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