Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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