I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
