you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
