i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
