Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
