Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
