Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
