i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
