just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
