I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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