Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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