I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
