He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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