I wanna bring you to show and tell
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
