so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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