I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
