i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
