omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
