Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
time to smoke my breakfast
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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