as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
