I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
