I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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