Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
