She is in my trunk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
its liver damage thursday
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
