Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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