She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
