Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
