1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
