I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
