Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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