i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
