Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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