I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
