Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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