Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
