i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The adults are the big ones right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
