I hope my margaritas pass through security.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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