I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
