If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
