i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
