Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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