I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
