i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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