have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
