My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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