We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
