What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
