Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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