you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
don't judge my taste in strippers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
